Thursday, January 22, 2015

Tonight I reunited with my 17 year old heart....39 years after I lost it.

Tonight I talked to the object of my teenage desires after nearly forty years and we laughed and cried for about three hours worth of text messaging where I confessed my secret to her. I even confessed about why I was always dropping pencils in any class we shared and we caught up on the events, triumphs and tragedies that we've both endured over the past four decades and I have to say that it was one of the most cathartic experiences of my life for it allowed me to feel my heart at 17 again, if only for a moment or two, if only in a brief connection with myself so long ago and far away down this rocky path I've been on so long I nearly had snuffed out every drop of simple, pure and innocent emotion out of what has long ago turned into a hardened, leathery, black and barely functional pump failing to keep up with all the junk that's been tossed into the aquarium of my soul.
What, if anything, becomes of it will be seen I guess but the first love of my life came back after forty years I'd like to think because her heart could sense mine was on it's last gasp and sputtering out into darkness forever as should be evident to any readers of earlier posts in this blog. This ship was listing hard to starbord and drowning in the murky green ooze of it's own self abuse all these years and our talk served to flip the switch back on to the pump and it's a little bit cleaner than it was yesterday and I got to feel that young, dumb and full know...heart of my youth long forgotten but happily not gone (yet). I found this quote and now dedicate it to the first, young love of this aging old man's life....Lucille
I choose to love you in silence, for in silence I found no rejection, I choose to love you in my dreams, for in my dreams no one owns you but me.

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