Saturday, October 17, 2015

Personality Crisis

The following video is a classic of my era...The NY Dolls' "Personality Crisis" aptly portrayed my late teen angst and identity crisis...and it still does some forty years later. I've come so far only to come full cycle to deal with the same sort of issues or the exact same issues as I did then. Surely, I've conqured and slayed most of my dragons and demons by now haven't I? Or have I just broke the record for stuffing issues down with an unhealthy chaser of sex & drugs & rock & roll for decades to only have them pop back up through the tar pits of my non existent conscience? At one point mental health history I was diagnosed as having "Anti-Social Personality Disorder" and I scoffed as I know of very few people more "social" than I am. As I sit here in a Motel 6 just off "the track" in the industrial section of Phoenix at 4:03am on a Sunday in October I watched this video with the same appreciation as I did back then and I say this to those of you who are coming up behind me... There is never a point of demarkation drawn in the sand or a checkered flag waved over a finish line in this life whereby you have "made it". At least not in my personal experience. I always thought there would come a time in my life where I'd cross some imaginary line and suddenly feel accomplished, rewarded and complete then I'd retire and wait to die in some over 55 double wide mobile home park across from a casino next door to an oriental rub & tug across from a pizza parlor and up the road from a Walmart...redneck purgatory, something that my inner snob abhors but my thin wallet and diminishing time on earth dictates to be the final reward given to a man of questionable morals and ethics such as I. I made a good living for many years by being the best lyer in Los Angeles, chased more skirts than all my high school buddies, coworkers and cell mates over the years combined. My generation, the not so noble Class of 76 is the first in American history to not surpass the finacial success of the prior generation and I'm sitting here close to broke and looking for the next gig and down to submitting applications for *gulp* retail sales positions. What's left down below the dreaded retail sales position? Only the whole life agent or call center manager positions. On that bleak note I will leave you with this approprately titled diddy of my youth...enjoy and see you after church fuggers!

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