I took my 90 day chip at my NA homegroup "Step In Time" meeting Tuesday night at the North Scottsdale Fellowship Hall on my 91st day clean. I was hoping to take it along with "someone" who's been one day behind me all this time who was conspicuously absent from the meeting and who hasn't returned my voicemails and texts since. I am trying not to read too much into it but I've been around the rooms now for over 30 years and the writing's on the wall that this person is no longer one day behind me in sobriety and it makes my heart cry. I've left enough messages that the individual knows that I'm looking to connect and yet nothing in return so if you're out there reading this and you've relapsed please, please, please call me at 602-793-7890. I promise not to beat you up or be judgemental in any way! Lord knows, I've done the same thing more times than I can remember so I know EXACTLEY how you might feel right now. If you're still sober and haven't returned my calls THEN I'm going to kick your ass!
While I'm on this subject, there has been quite a few people this week that I've called or sent text messages to that haven't returned them that makes me worry but I pray that you're ok and just simply busy with life on life's terms and it makes me think of one person who I was in treatment that left Sundance AMA early and has relapsed off and on ever since that has been reaching out to me for the past two months that I have not returned his calls or emails because I knew he has been loaded many of the times he's called. He hasn't been calling me for help with sobriety but rather regarding some business plans we had discussed while in treatment together or has he??
Maybe he's been using the business plans as an excuse to call me when he really wants help staying sober and just can't say it? Duuuh!!! I'm an idiot sometimes huh?? Just sent him a text message.
Ok, well, enough said I guess other than to say to everyone out there that I'm always here for all of you, clean or loaded and do not hesitate to call me. I haven't had a a solid trigger to use yet but I realize all too well that's a very big "yet" and that it may hit me around the next corner like a 2x4 smack in the center of my forehead so just call me ok? Hey, if you're still hanging in there and doing well let's go to a meeting together and hang out and eat some greasy tacos or something ok? It saddens me that we spent the summer together laughing, crying, laying out on the lawn in the rain, sweating together in the "Druggie Buggie", baring our souls to each other and have so quickly fallen apart as a group and many on the fringes have been picked off from the herd.
I was going to update you all on my daily struggles, successes and challenges out here in the "real world" but I guess this post morphed into something more important, much more important. My life continues to go on, one day at a time, one struggle at a time and I've accomplished some miraculous things in these short 94 days but I think I'll refrain from boring you all with all that because that's just "stuff" you know?
Namaste
1 comment:
CONGRATS STEVE..
You are definitely clearing out the clouds and it must feel so much better than dope ever could, how easy it can be to forget that when one is "caught up"..
My hat is off to you for reaching out to so many others as well.
You are a reality based writer/thinker and that in-itself will help you so much to keep that gift of a clear mind.
Which is not to say that you are not creative and imaginative as well showing a R/L thinking isn't common but a wonderful rarity,
and you, are a wonderful rarity.
Namaste,
Suzette
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