Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Day 85 and a mix of "Life on life's terms" at opposite ends of extreme.

Well, ok, it'll be day 85 by the time I hit the "publish" with the artist! Things are going far better than I ever dreamed of in my professional life. I've come to final terms with Hythiam, Inc on building and managing their social network but I'll be signing a confidentiality agreement once they cut me a big fat check so this will be the last time I'll be able to mention anything about it but I'm here to tell you that anything is possible if you stay clean and sober and live by Ruiz's "Four Agreements" and the "12 Steps" as we were taught at Sundance and I'm living, walking & breathing proof because as I shared with those of you who attended last Friday's Alumni group at Sundance I'm now also working for a candidate in one of the biggest local election races and also now assisting with a few of the state and national level election campaigns as well which if you know where I came from prior to Sundance is downright surreal!! I won't be able to make this Friday's alumni group as I have a political fundraiser to attend but pray that I don't say nasty words in front of a roomful of senators, congressmen, assemblymen and other politicos who will be there. I sure would not have been on the guest list a few short months ago that's for sure; pehaps a topic of conversation granted, but certainly not on the guest list...LOL

The other really good thing going on is the amount of support I'm getting from both the private and public sectors for my Rehab Arts Studio & Foundation plan. (Just added the "foundation" part this week for legal considerations) and I'll be presenting my plan next Wednesday night at the Ignite-Phoenix event via global podcast and Ive been working very hard on my presentation and think it'll turn out killer but I only have 5 minutes to do so and any of you who've ever sat in a group or meeting with me know...."brevity" is not one of my strong suits to say the least so it will be quite a challenge for me and I hope to see some of your smiling, supportive faces in the studio audience. You can register (free) for the event at

Ok now for the "life's terms" part. I just got word today from my sister back in NY that my Pop is in the hospital for now the third time in the month they've been back home in NY with Pneumonia and other complications and is slipping fast and not expected to last much longer which saddens me beyond belief yet I know at almost 87 and having suffered numerous strokes over the past six years his time here on earth with us is coming to an end. I know that I gave him all that I had in me these past six years as his live-in caregiver to a point of almost losing myself in the process (what almost? I did lose myself who am I kidding?) but yet there's a big part of me that feels guilty and ashamed that I just couldn't see him all the way out as I promised him I would at the start of this journey. In my head I know that's bullshit and I did more than most would in similar circumstances, but my heart aches deeply with sorrow and regret that I just couldn't manage to hang in there with him through his last few months. The facts are the facts and the simple fact of the matter is that if I had attempted to keep on going as I was going I most certainly would either be locked up or dead by this time anyway so my emotional struggles are really a moot issue when looked at in the light of "reality". Novel concept that is....."reality" huh??

I guess I'm not too old and beatup to learn new tricks afterall, anyway, please include my Pop in your daily prayers please and know that I know just where to run as fast as I can when he does indeed pass...I'm bee lining it out to Sundance!

Thanks for giving me a safe haven to go at times like these for I surely can't and won't attempt to carry the weight of this pending occurance alone...I've learned that much at least and am grateful beyond words for all every one of you has done to literally save my life!

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