How long has it been?

How many times have I apologized for inflicting pain I never threw at you? How many ways can I attempt to leave without hurting you? It is impossible for me to do so and it breaks my heart to break yours. You say I have no heart but trust me I feel every lie I have told you in it. I don't really know the lies from the truth any more. Are my dreams reality and my days my dreams? I don't fucking know, nor do I really care. I know I loved you as deep and as long as I was capable of doing. I still do today and all ways will. Same to the rest of you out there, you are no different and I kiss the wind in your paths. I'm nearing the last round of this race and feel it clear as the door you all slammed at my back once so long ago. There is no shame in self knowledge, the shame is in attempting to change what is at one's core. I am pretty much ok with my accounting of emotional battles won and lost thus far and concede I could have been a better closer in the end with everyone yet so could we all and I grant you absolution, your bill is paid up with me, no score to settle no more. Go in peace, I bid you adieu, farewell and nevermore. I will think of you often and fondly as you were in my eyes....at our beginning before all the hurt and discomfort and plausible lies....